The word of the LORD came to me: "What do you see,
Jeremiah?" "I see the branch of an almond tree," I replied.
The Lord said to me, "You have seen correctly, for I am
watching to see that my word is fulfilled."
One of my father’s favorite Bible fun-facts is that God is a
punster. I remember loving this, and
probably telling all my elementary school friends. Even as a child, maybe particularly as a
child, I had a greater aptitude than normal for levity. Sometimes we need
levity. Perhaps because of this penchant
for the comic, I find I am rarely a stressed out personality. Not many things
actually bear down on me (I actually imagined a bear falling from the sky,
hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy style), or cause me undue angst. This isn't to
say there are no chinks in my armored psyche, but that most trials I slide
through without panic.
This past weekend, I swallowed stress, consuming like a
fire. I kept trying to burn up more
stress that A possessed, hoping to bear the load on his back, and provide him some healing warmth in return.
Upon my return, my body was not ready for the abrupt cessation of
anxiety, and panicked. I spent all day wandering the house, likely burning
miles of useless meandering into the floors in circles, loops, or aimless
pathing. I couldn't even sit still for five minutes without standing up and racing
around my imaginary track. With the amount of in-house speed-walking I managed,
I’m certain I walked at least 10 miles, spending nearly 8 hours of work walking
around the house, killing energy I did not possess. For the worst part of this
was, I couldn't eat. I ate 3 bites of cereal, 4 blueberries, half of half a
bean burrito (yes, a quarter), and a couple bites of an apple. My general thought pattern was, “Lord, please
Lord, help me crash, help me eat, what’s going on, why can’t I stop, why can’t
I even eat blueberries?”
That last question is important. I can always eat
blueberries.
Then I crashed.
Today was different. I slept almost a full 9 hours before
waking up, and an entire restful day stretched out ahead of me: no work. My car
was broken from this weekend of travel, and needed significant brake repair,
and so I drove my car to Les Schwab, and asked them how long it would take for
fixing. They said by 11 o’clock in the
morning (2 hours) they would call me. So I walked the 20 minutes to Chapters
Coffee, and sat down to read, write, relax my day away. If my car had not been
broken, I might have been half tempted to drive to my favorite mountain and
spend the day praying at the peak.
But my car was broken. The point is moot.
I read for a while, wrote for a
while, and, come 11, decided I might go on a walk until they called me. So I
walked up College towards my church, and past it towards the playground. It was
a sunny summer day (90 degrees, brilliant blue sky), and children were
everywhere. I would have stopped and
enjoyed the sunshine for a while, but apparently the park was being renovated,
and construction noises and voices drown the environmental ambiance and
destroyed the serenity of the park. I walked on.
I
traipsed up and down the street 4 times, advancing a block uptown each time, simply
looking at the houses and yards, charmed at Newberg’s cute lawns and diversity
of homes. It was now 11:20, and still no
phone call. No problem, these places are always delayed, correct? So I walked
into the disc golf park and lay down for a bit, reading some more beneath an
umbrella pine with long, fuzzy needles, the sunlight streaking through its
branches in strings. The small valley of the park was filled with a beautiful yellow-green
grass under the firs lining the edges of the creek snaking through the
park. The rhododendrons and small
shrubbery guarding the path on my right were golden in the nearly noon rays, and
everything was awash in light - even the creek mirrored brightly from my hilltop
vantage.
Another
half hour passed, and still no call. No matter. The day is lovely, and I’m
getting hungry. I’ll walked the 20 minutes to Les Schwab and checked in, asking
how much longer it might be until they checked my brakes. They were not sure, but they hoped another
couple of slots opened up in the shop soon enough. Maybe an hour?
Longer
than I’d hoped. I was rather expecting a Sabbath nap to fully heal myself regarding
sleep, but maybe I would just get a late nap? Might as well enjoy the day,
right? I walked to Fred Meyer, and took a long route, taking me nearly half an
hour. Once there, I bought some light lunch: an apple, some juice, some carbs,
and cashed a check. While eating, I began wandering back towards Les Schwab,
assuming by the time I arrived, surely they would be checking out my car.
I
arrived back at Les Schwab shortly after 1, and they said it would certainly be
less than two hours until they could check out my car and determine what might
be the matter. Not even fix it; investigate to see what needed to be fixed. Well,
good times. I was stuck anyway, so I figured I might as well walk around some
more. I walked from there to my last place of residence, and wandered around in
that neighborhood for a little before walking back towards hoover park. After a
while more of walking, they called me at 3, saying they’d checked out my car
and it would be a little over an hour until it was fixed. I lay down for a
while in the green grass, watching the turtledoves and starlings. After a half
hour or so, I got up and began the trek back towards Les Schwab. It was now 4, about an hour after the call,
and they were still putting the final touch-ups on my car. Soon enough, I paid
and left.
All the while, I could not get my mind off my mountain. How
much more exciting would it have been to walk a mountain instead of 10 miles of
small-town? I wish I had pictures of the mountain-top vista for contemplating
now, but the only time I ever brought a camera, all I could photograph from the
peak was the tops of the clouds beneath me. Soon enough, mountain, you will be
mine.
I feel a lot better now: a number of full, giant meals behind
me, sleep, a mountain of plums, figs, and apples in the fridge. I’m ready for
the week now – unstressed and prepared for conquest. With God on my side, I’m
unstoppable.
Kahlil Gibran
When you love you should not say,
"God is in my heart," but rather,
"I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love,
if it finds you worthy, directs your course
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