Fractals

You can't change the past. You can attach new lenses and visit the past in crimson, emerald, and cobalt; you can twist the kaleidoscope glass and witness the dance of the fractals; you can surrender, blanking the present until the recent past is ill and empty. I've made mistakes until I am mistakes, and left a scorched earth trail of ice and fire until all that remains is crystallized ash like snow diamonds that crumble at the breath of the wind. Sorry, sorry ad aeturnum.
If shattered glass is all there be, no wonder it means everything to me.
My life is a fractal of memories, really, a recursive destiny. Glance at the largest picture, then deeper, and deeper, but every consecutive pattern is the same, like matryoshka dolls, shrinking until I'm but a babe, rocking forth and back again. Is there enough and when is too much?
I understand you, Jonah, the reluctant prophet.
With your every step closer,
I retreat three,
It's not thee - I am the monster
or who's finally forgotten what it's like to be
a natan -
let me prefer the whale to the beach,
there's safety here, for them
and me, give me a fig, an olive branch
under which I might breathe
and let me weep with the willows for the fool I have been
let me weep, for this, friends, is humanity
and that, divinity
even the hands that weave a crown of thorns
are neither idle nor empty -
there's a crack in the fractal heart
and it goes eternally deep

I hide so easily behind moonlight shadow, when even those who love dig too deep. Irritation makes the pearl, and beauty hides as easily as casualty. The snowflakes in love go deeper than the ocean of the heavens above. Jacob I understand you, for you are me, stealing birthrights for soup and wrestling with he who cannot be beat. A strange year with an amethyst heart, when the knife-balance slips, who can stay put?


For all wondering, Frozen is a delightful movie, and I have the most fantastic of friends (Happy Birthday, S), even when my friends want to make me suffer for my upcoming birthday. The clouds have shipwrecked against the earth and the foggy swirls of broken clouds freeze against the trees, turning our greenery into a ghostly phantom of sugar glaze. Frozen spiderwebs are nature's greatest mystery, and blankets and candles are night's greatest delight. Sleep well, friends.
Almost the weekend. (if you are watching the hobbit, you are braver than I, and less 'already-falling-asleep')